I once fucked a tart in Arbroath
I first stuck my cock down her throat
Next thing her tight ass I poked
And then I found she was a bloke.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water
They said that of course
But had intercourse
And now nine months on
They’ve a daughter

Roses are Red
Violets are blue
There’s no pretty girls left
So can I fuck you?

My love like a Red Red Rose
My cock bleeds when I fuck
A bit of penis bone pokes out
And rips into your cunt.

Will ye lend us a quid till the end O’ the week
If you could see your way,
To make it a tenner I’d be so overjoyed
And I’ll pay ye back a week Saturday.

Oh where is the whore who gives green stamps
Or does a buy one get one free.
The only thing you get free from a whore
Is crabs or an STD.

Fucking in the rain in Glasgae
Havin me cock near freeze off
Oh how I wish I were a Sassenach
Cause I’d fuck her inside like a toff

I tried to do watersports in Dundee
Didn’t know it was taking the pee
So called golden shower
Just dripped with no power
So I refused to pay the fee

There was a young slut from Dundee
Fucked bareback with a Jock or three
But when she got the clap
It was the end of that
That ill advised slut from Dundee.

Mary had a little Lamb
Her case comes up on Friday

A woman is like a fine wine.
It improves with age and then suddenly
It tastes like shit

There was a house in New Orleans
The call the rising sun
And whole place is a mass of whores
The place to be of you want some.

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